Invincible
Can we stop remaking/rebooting/re-imagining superhero films please?
Batman is the Dark Knight trilogy, Spiderman got rebooted by Sam Raimi and is now doing it all over again, and The Hulk? Well no one can really figure out how to do a Hulk film (although personally I liked both Eric Bana’s Hulk and Edward Norton’s Hulk – for different reasons) although Avengers Assemble is probably the best shot at it – only probably because he’s not the main lead. Then there was Terminator Salvation. Oh and don’t get me started about the remake of Robocop!
And then there’s probably the saddest story of all superheroes… Superman.
Because let’s be honest here, there have only ever been 2 really good Superman films – namely the first 2. Number 3 was ok – saved by the good v evil Superman bit but apart from that it was nothing special. And number 4?! Let’s just wipe that one out of memory for good eh?
And then there was Superman Returns. Oh dear. What a boring film that turned out to be! Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor should have been movie gold but somehow it just didn’t work. Brandon Routh? He wasn’t a bad Superman, he certainly looked the part but again – it just felt like there was no spark or passion there. But the whole film was lacking. It had one big action scene (with the shuttle) to introduce Superman back to us, and then… nothing. Nothing until the end of the film when he defeats Lex Luthor.
There was a saviour (of sorts) in the form of Smallville – it had promise in being Superman: The Early Years but then it got dumb and stupid and went on for far too long.
Henry Cavill as Superman
So now we have to turn to the newest incarnation with Henry Cavill as The Man of Steel. It sounds good, and I’m suitably impressed by the names that are signed up to it: Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen, Dawn of the Dead) is the director. Russell Crowe is Jor-El (Superman’s dad), Kevin Costner is Jonathon Kent and even Laurence Fishburne as Perry White, editor of the Daily Planet. What worries me however is that it supposed to be a ‘darker’ Superman, much in the same way The Dark Knight trilogy is for Batman (and from what I can guess from the trailer The Amazing Spiderman has gone down that road too). What’s wrong with just a normal superhero tale?
All this leaves me with a niggling doubt in the back of my mind that somehow, it just won’t be that good and that something will let it down. I hope I’m wrong and that it really is a return to form, but the track record just isn’t in its favour!
Je Suis Un Rockstar
France. It’s the easiest foreign country to get to – you just need to drive underwater in that fancy tunnel. There is one thing however that I can’t say I like about it.
French.
Not the French – but the language. I just can’t get to grips with it. Never could. At school I got a GCSE grade ‘F’ in it (to be honest I thought that was fine, after all you can’t spell French without an F!), whereas my sister not only got an ‘A’ GCSE, but she went on to do it as an A-level (can’t remember what grade she got but as we’re talking about me, not her I’m considering it as unimportant).
A Frenchman – yesterday.
Why – for example is a car feminine (la voiture) but a bicycle is masculine (le vélo) ?!! Just what is with that? The only thing that is masculine/feminine are people and animals. INANIMATE OBJECTS ARE JUST THINGS!
It’s not just French, I can’t get on with any foreign language – It’s something that I just can’t grasp. It’s not that I don’t want to, or can’t see the point of – with a French niece and 2 French nephews I’d love to learn French so I could speak to them properly, and not need sign language or an interpreter to do so.
Whenever I go to France to see my family I always think that by the next time I visit (I go once, maybe twice a year) I’ll have at least learned a bit of French. That one day I’ll know French really well, that I had done it secretly and not told them. And on that trip I’ll surprise and amaze them all by suddenly spouting a load of French at them.
But I think the real problem I have with learning a language is that no matter how much I learn it, I’ll always be afraid that if I try to speak to a native speaker I’ll get it completely, hideously wrong and make a complete tit of myself.
If I can overcome thinking like that, there may just be a chance!
Needing/Getting
It should come as no surprise that I’ve not got the best track record with relationships. Mainly due to my fantastic way of making really really bad decisions (observe!) of who I should date. And thanks to the marvel of modern technology it appears that decision has become all the more harder. Because now that there’s even more choice, there’s even more of a chance that I will make a complete arse of myself.
Gone are the days where you might see someone you like in a pub/on a night out/the real world; now you can find (and perv) over someone without their knowing about it because of an app on your phone. You even know how far away from you they are because it tells you! 
So what’s a man to do? You could send them a message – “Hello, nice pic!” but where does that get you? A “Thanks” perhaps? So then what do you do? You don’t want to sound like a desperate twat do you? So what, exactly. do. you. do?
Perhaps you should try to find them? After all, thanks to that app you know where they are, you could just go there and introduce yourself. But isn’t that stalking? Last I heard that could get you in a spot of bother!
But what of this? You see one, two, maybe even three people you like the look of on that damn phone app, and in a mad impulse you’ve sent them all a message. Nothing much, maybe just “Hi, you look good”, but the next time you look, THEY’VE ALL SENT YOU A MESSAGE BACK! What do you do? Send them all messages? Or just one? If you only send a message to one, you’ve just denied the others of your magnificence. But if you send a message to them all, aren’t you just leading them on?
Also, these apps usually have a ‘Would you like to meet” bit with 3 options – No, Maybe and Hell Yeah! If they see you and like you too the app will send you a little “I think you should say Hi!” type of message. 
But should you? If they really did like you they should have just said Hi shouldn’t they? But then, maybe you should have just done that in the first place?!!
But what if, just after doing all or some of the above, you actually kind of meet someone you like directly in the real world? What do you do then?! Because you’re suddenly right in front of the object of your desire and there’s no app to hide behind this time.
And this is where I find myself. With my track record of choosing who to date a great big part of me wants to just run and hide, to choose nothing. That would be the easiest, safest option. But what if I do do nothing? Will I forever be thinking about ‘what if’?
More than likely. Most definitely in fact. But if I make the wrong choice, wouldn’t I still be thinking about ‘what if’? So the only thing to do, is to somehow make the right choice. The right decision. The one that will give me the best chance of actually having a proper relationship with someone. It’s about time that happened, it’s just damn tricky to figure out how to get it.
Like this:
It Started With A Mixx
Mixtapes. Remember them? I’ve been thinking about them recently. No, not the commercially available ones sold in HMV (or other record stores!) but the one you used to make yourself. At school / college or similar. That one you made for that certain special someone you kind of like but aren’t sure if they like you.
THAT mixtape.
It would all start off so innocently on a lazy weekend too. You’d be a bit bored, and maybe the weather just isn’t good enough to go outside. So you’d grab a c-90 blank cassette and start thinking about all those songs you like on albums that sort of belong together. Suddenly you start scribbling them all down, trying to get them in some sort of order. Because all of a sudden wouldn’t it be great to make a mixtape of songs for that person you like? It would have to somehow tell them of how you feel. About you, about them, about being together. How great would that be?!
Bloody fantastic! And maybe you’d get one back! Bloody brilliant! But then you realise - shit! There’s got to be a side a and side b! You can’t put everything into the first side – that would come across as a bit… needy. A bit weird. So you need some filler songs. Nothing major, just some tunes you quite like – they don’t really mean anything but they would show a bit more about what sort of stuff you like, just in case you get a tape back yourself.
Then suddenly it’s the afternoon and you realise you only have only a small bit of the day left, and the next day and you still haven’t decided on a name for the tape, or even a design, because lets face it – anyone can just write down a list of songs, but if you did a designed cover then somehow they’d know that it was a special tape just for them. That you put a lot of time, effort, heart and soul into it.
And the name of the tape. It had to be subtle. After all a parent or big brother/sister might inadvertantly find it and that wouldn’t do at all. Questions – embarrassing ones- could be asked. So you start to think about what they like – a book, film or tv show that could give you a bit of inspiration.
And then the next thing you know it’s Sunday evening and it’s finished. The songs are on, the design is done and the name is just perfect! There’s no way it could be any better. Unless…. what if they don’t like that 5th track? It’s not a favourite but it seemed to fit in at the time with the other songs… and yet… there’s something about it that makes the whole tape not right. Not good enough. So the whole thing gets thrown in the bin, you unwrap another cassette and you start all over again!
Trying to find the perfect match between pretentious and pop
Some crappy artwork that took too way way long to draw
Hand-written track listing restarted every time the pen smudged
Encoded title doesn’t give away as much as it should
Sums it up rather perfectly, don’t you think?!
How To Lose At Video Games
At the moment I am watching Rambo (the most recent one) on Channel 5. It’s a good film, I have nothing against it – I even bought it on DVD, but while I’m watching it has occured to me that no-one makes video games quite like they used to; and certainly not film tie-ins.
My case in point? Terminator 2 on the C64. This was a great game. It had everything – a shooty, fighty bit,
a drivey bit,
and even puzzle bits!
And it’s got me thinking – what was wrong with that? Film tie-in games nowadays are generally just crappy shooty things – they don’t invoke the same passion of the old days.
Maybe part of the fun back then was the wait you had for the game to load? The wait that started as soon as the game was in your hand as you walked out of the shop and continued on the bus home, all the way until you fired up the computer, typed LOAD”", pressed enter and then waited to hear that wonderful screeching noise that signalled that it was working, loading, and soon you’ll be able to play that game forever (there were no trade-ins back then, only with your mates).
With Rambo, a great game could have been made. There could be a boat trip level (Level’s eh? remember them?!), then maybe a mini-game of running through a field dodging the mines, then a stealthy level followed by a shooty level and hey, through in a beat ‘em up section before going back to another shooty level for a finale! Throw in another mini game where you have to set the mine to detonate before you’re found and there’s a great sounding old-school game there.
But I’m afraid this will never happen as film games aren’t like that now; they’re all wham bam shooty things with no soul, no passion. They feel like they’re just around to make a quick bit of cash while the hype’s around. But don’t take my word for it – look at this run through of T2 on the C64 and tell me you don’t feel a hankering for games like this!
Cars And Girls
I read the news today..and oh boy! What is wrong with car maufacturers today?!
The Nissan Invitation
I’ve just read that Nissan are going to build a car here in the UK. Which is good. What’s bad is the name of the car…
The Nissan Invitation.
What kind of crappy name is that?! It’s ridiculous! In fact all cars with names are ridiculous (unless it’s a name you give your own car). Don’t think I’m right? Here’s a few…
Nissan Leaf, Suzuki Cappuccino, Honda Superb, Volkswagen Rabbit (it’s the Golf, just rebadged for sale in America – look!), Kia C’eed, Renault Clio.
There are more (much more) that I could list but you’d only get bored with me so I won’t.
Some names however are good…
Ford Mustang, Lancia Delta Integrale, Dodge Viper, AC Cobra
but as you can see, those are names of fast expensive cars, not the sort of car to potter down to the shops with.
Now, go back a fair few years and you could of driven a Renault 5 GT Turbo. Sounds good eh? Much better than a Renault Clio Sport doesn’t it.
Names of cars should invoke pride, passion, a will to drive it. The Nissan Leaf? Sounds like it will curl up and die each autumn. I know they were going for the environmental name with it, but come on, you can do better than Leaf surely?!
The Nissan Sunburst (for example) would be a better, catchier name. A name you wouldn’t mind proclaiming to the world.
So come on car manufacturers – get rid of those namby-pamby names and give us something we can be proud of driving
Liar
You know what really pisses me off? What really gets my goat?
Blatant liars and lying.
Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes a little lie is needed. A white one. For example when asked by a loved one on returning from shopping for them if you got that really important thing they wanted and you just plain forgot about it, to reply ‘Sorry it was sold out’ is definitely better than ‘No I forgot because I saw this really cool thing – LOOK AT IT!!’
LOOK AT IT - IT'S SO COOL!!
So in certain circumstances, of course a lie is needed – acceptable perhaps. But then there are those situations where it’s totally out of order.
But what I struggle with, is being accused of lying – especially when nothing but the truth has been said. I mean, how do you go about combatting that? In that situation the accuser has obviously made their mind up about you and nothing you say, no amount of trying to explain how UN-lying you’ve been, will change the accusers mind.
How do you deal with that? Because I haven’t a clue what to do in those situations.
The Lost Art Of Keeping A Secret
Isn’t it amazing what a secret does to people? One minute you’re happily going about your business and then BLAM! Someone rock’s your world by starting to say something along the lines of…
“Don’t say anything but….”
Mr Smug
And then all of a sudden you have a smug grin so big you might as well be called Mr Smug from Smuggington, Smugshire. Why? Because you know something someone else doesn’t, and that gives you a sort of (mild) power over people.
Feels good doesn’t it.
Of course it does. And it will keep on feeling good until either someone else mentions the same secret to you (making it null and void), or until the pressure and smugness gets too much and you blurt it out to whoever’s nearby.
Secrets never last long though, and soon you’ll have to revert back to normality – at least until the next one comes along.
Do I know any secrets? Of course I do! Am I going to tell you?…
No.
Not yet!
Yer Old! (Step II)
It occured to me today that this year I will turn 37. Which means in 3 years time – 2015 – I will turn 40. FORTY! FOUR-BLOODY-ORTEE!!!
Now I’m sorry, but that is bloody old. Middle aged even! When the bloody hell did that happen? Why was I not told about this? The only good thing about this is that my sister Jo will turn 40 before me (next year). So at least she can tell me what it feels like.
But the realisation has started me thinking; what the hell am I doing? I’m an (almost) middle-aged man, living on his own with, and lets be honest about this, not a huge lot going on in life.
So step II in my grand plan is quite simple. Get out more. Do stuff. There’s a festival around here – Brisfest - and I’ve started my grand plan by firing off an email to them asking about volunteering for the festival. See, they need people to help set it up, take it down, clean it up etc. I’m hoping to hear from them soon about what sort of thing they need help with, and then Step II will be well underway. I might even look at other, similar things to do. At the very least it’ll make me feel all warm and fuzzy, like I’m actually getting on and doing something.
Now I’m not about to go on about how everyone should volunteer to do something. If you don’t want to, if it doesn’t feel right then don’t do it – and that’s one of the things I’ve always truly believed in; If it doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t. It might be for some, but if it’s not for you then there’s no shame in that.
So there we have it. Step II. Let’s see where it goes – might be fun, or the very least interesting.
